2-03-99 About October of last year, I told my husband that I really wanted to consider getting a breast enlargement. He knows how I feel about myself, especially after breastfeeding two kids. Finally, about three days ago, my husband and I decided that it was time for me to get my breasts enlarged. This is something that I have been wanting for years. I always thought that my breasts would just grow and grow until they got to be a great size, but when I became a senior and they were still 34B's, I realized that I was stuck with them. At least they were firm and beautiful. Then I had two kids.
Don't get me wrong. I love them with all my heart, but now I am left with very saggy 34A breasts. They make me sick. I can't stand seeing them in the mirror and I am so self-conscious when I am with my husband. He tells me over and over that he loves me and I am beautiful, and he told me that this operation was totally up to me and he would support any decision I made. Even though it is going to cost around $4,200 or so, he does not care. He says that my self-esteem is worth it. He is so great.
We got approved for our loan two days ago, and I made my consultation appointment for Monday February 8. I cannot wait. I hope that I can get the surgery done in two weeks after that, but I don't know how busy Dr. Melvin is. I have been researching this since last October. I guess I just always thought it would be a dream that would never come true. My husband asked me if I was scared and part of me is I guess, but the part that hates my chest is cheering for joy and ready to go. I am a little nervous about how people will react, but I really don't care.
I am so excited for Monday. Woody and I spent forever on the internet looking at breasts last night. We looked at approximately 94 pairs and I picked out my favorites and put them in a folder to study. I just can't wait until I look like that.
2-04-99 Well, it's official now. I called the doctor today to see when I could schedule my BA, and they told me that they had a cancellation on Tuesday! I am going in on Monday for the consultation and then I am getting it done on Tuesday. I was so worried that I would have to wait a month or two like I read that some women did. I wanted a Friday so that my husband could be home from work for a couple of days, but the next Friday that was open was not for a very long time. I am so excited now. I am lucky that there isn't much time between my consult and the surgery. I am getting a little nervous about it though. I am nervous about the pain and about how I am going to take care of my kids and everything. It's really hard because I have only told a few people and the ones that I would need to ask help from aren't going to know. Oh well. I'm sure it will all work out.
2-07-99 I am still so excited I just can't stop thinking about it. I can't believe my surgery is two days away. TWO days! Last night in bed my husband said, "Three days!" He hasn't really said much about this surgery, but I can tell he is a little excited. I don't mean just for the fact that I'm going to have bigger breasts, I think it is also because I am going to be more comfortable with myself and am going to like myself a lot more. He is happy that I am going to be happy about my breasts (FINALLY!). I think that will give me more motivation to work out and get the lower half of my body figure out. I don't think I mentioned it above, but I am 5'8" tall and weigh about 120 pounds. Anyway, it is going to be so weird to look down and see something there. I just can't wait. I am still getting really nervous about post-op though. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with the kids.
2-08-99 Well, today was a very interesting experience. I went to my appointment at about 2:00 and filled out all the paperwork, then I went in to talk to Dr. Melvin. He was a very kind, informative, nice man with a great accent. He was very knowledgeable and made sure that all my questions were answered and why he feels the way he does on many aspects of BA. The only part that I was a little disappointed in was when they helped me find out what size I would be. I thought that you would wear like a bra or something and they would insert different sized implants to see what size you liked. What happened to me was that I had a gown on that opened in the front, and I just held an implant on top of my breast with my robe over the top. It didn't really give me the best idea of how big I really wanted to be. I had a very full C size and a D size, and I really couldn't tell the difference.
When I held them one in each hand, however, I realized that the D was a really big size. I was just afraid that I would end up going too small. I didn't want to look way too big either though. Anyway, I guess I'm going to have a nice, proportionate C cup size. Dr. Melvin made sure that the one I chose made me look like a sexy woman not just someone people would look at and say, "Oh my gosh, look at those boobs!" Anyway, it's all clear for tomorrow, and I just can't wait. He made me feel very reassured about the surgery, anesthesia, medications, and everything else that I was concerned about. His wife worked right there with him, and she was so great.
They never once made me feel that I was doing something I shouldn't be. I keep having this nagging feeling that people won't understand why I got the BA. Then there's the part of me that really doesn't care as long as I love the way I look. That just really made me appreciate the great support that my husband has given me, and I truly love him for it. Thanks honey! Well, I am going to shave my legs since I won't be able to for a while, and I am going to do some last minute cleaning of the house. I am scared, excited, happy, and just tickled about the new chest I will have. Wish me luck.
2-09-99 Well, my hubby did not go to work today, so I have some time to type. It's about 7:20 in the morning. I just had to get up. I didn't even go to bed until about 1:00 a.m. I will go to the hospital around 9:30 and then it's surgery time at 11:00. I am still excited. Funny, I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I think that having people find out is scarier than the surgery. The anesthesiologist called my last night at 9:00 to ask me some questions. I am still wearing the anti-nausea patch that Dr. Melvin had me put on last night. We'll see if it works. He asked me if I got carsick easily, and I really do, so he told me to wear the patch.
2-10-99 Well, the surgery went very well. I went into the pre-op room and they asked me all the questions they needed to, and finally at about 11:30, they put something in my IV and started to wheel me to the OR. I remember seeing the operating room lights and that's it. I had to put a sports bra on around my belly that zipped up in the front so they could put it on me after the doctor was done with the surgery. The nurses were all very nice to me. I never once felt uncomfortable about what I was doing and never once felt any judgment. I wouldn't care anyway. They are my breasts and I will do with them what I please.
I woke up in recovery and blabbed my head off to the nurse. She must have thought I was pretty loopy. After an hour in there, they put me back in the pre-op room where I would just rest for a few hours. I kept falling in and out of sleep and requesting pain medications. My right breast hurt way more than the left, and this would be the case for the next few days. My hubby came in and was amazed at how huge my breasts were. I finally got up and went to the bathroom, even though I never did go, and then I got dressed and went home.
That night was the most hell I have gone through since labor. I couldn't move, breathe, turn, put any pressure on my arms or chest, and trying to adjust or sit up caused me to scream out in pain. Actually, almost everything made me scream. The bumpy ride home was great too. I swear the pain medicine didn't do a thing for me. Oh the pain. I felt so helpless. My husband was so groggy in the middle of night I couldn't get him up to get me my pain pills, and there was NO way I could even get out of bed. I had the implant put underneath the muscle by way of the nipple, and it felt like my muscles were stretched to the sky and back. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Finally, he got up and gave me one of my pills, and about 5 minutes later I got nauseated and threw up. So, after barely any sleep I got up and slept on the couch.
I stayed on the couch the whole next day. I finally had to make myself get up to go to the bathroom, and that hurt so bad. I was alone all day because my husband had to work and so did all my other friends. Before my husband went to work, he put a big jug of water, crackers, cookies, my pills, and some string cheese out on the table by the couch. He also made sure I had the remote controls and the phone. I was in and out of pain and sleep all day. Luckily, he got to come home early from work, so I didn't have to be alone all day. He was great with taking care of the kids. The kids were pretty good anyway.
My breasts are so huge and strange looking. I know that the swelling will go down. I love them already. I can already tell that they are making a big difference in my life. I took a shower today. I have tape over the incisions on my nipples so it was okay. It felt so good to wash my hair, but I had to have my hubby help me because I couldn't lift my arms very high. It sure makes you realize how much you need to use arms and muscles when it really hurts to do it for almost everything you need to do. My breasts are making that squeaky-squishy noise I heard about. I can feel liquid and when I push on it it makes a squishy noise. The doctor said that he had injected an antibiotic in there so that was normal to hear and feel that.
2-11-99 Today was my follow-up appointment. I had my mother-in-law take me because there is no way that I could drive. I hadn't even told her about my BA, but she asked me if I was feeling okay and I just told her what I did. She didn't react as bad as I thought she would. I could barely shut the truck door, and she had to do it a lot of the time. Walking around wasn't that bad though. The doctor said that everything looked fine. I went shopping at the mall with my mother-in-law, and I kind of over-did it by doing that. I was very tired when we got home. It's still really hard to sleep at night. I am just so sore. I can't get comfortable either. Oh well. No pain no gain.
My two-year-old saw my breasts after I took a shower and said, "No way." I don't know what she really meant by that, but it made me laugh. I still can't pick up my son. He is too heavy. I still can't really do that much with them. My right breast is still a lot more sore than my left. I also have some numbness on my right arm by my armpit. The doc said that is normal, but I sure hope it goes away. It is weird to have no feeling in a little part of your arm. My husband can't stop looking at them and feeling them. Heck, I can't stop looking at them and feeling them. I feel so sexy. I really feel like a woman.
2-12-99 Today I had to go at it alone with my kids at home. It wasn't that bad. They were very good and I could lie on the couch most the day. I just feel really tired and worn out. My best friend came over and I showed her my breasts. She is very small too and has had three kids. We have spent many hours joking about our breasts, so she just had to come see them. She was amazed. She would get them too but is very worried about how safe they are. I decided the risk was worth it. I'm not taking as many pain pills anymore, and I really haven't had any problems with them as far as nausea. They just make me really tired.
ONE WEEK: The swelling is going down really well and I really don't even see a scar on my nipple. I'm glad I went that route. They are softening up a little bit too. They are still pretty immobile and very hard, but I love them. I had another appointment and they took the tape off of my incision. The swelling is still there on top, but they are getting very soft on the bottom part and starting to look a little normal.
After my appointment I went to the mall and treated myself to Victoria's Secret. I had them measure me and I was a 34D!!! It was so fun to go through the store and be able to pick out any bra I wanted and actually have it fit. They all looked so good I didn't know how to choose. The sales woman was so funny and nice. I told her about my BA and she was very nice and helpful. She must have pulled out 30 bras for me to try on (even the demis that NEVER would fit before and boy are they sexy). I was so amazed as I tried on bra after bra. I kept looking in the mirror and thinking, "Is that really me?" I actually have cleavage and you can see breasts above the bra. Oh, and not one bra was padded or push up. They were all just normal bras. I got a very lacy pretty one. I feel so beautiful and sexy. My hubby REALLY loved it. He's used to me wearing those ratty, old bras that I never used to care about wearing.
Now I get excited to wear nice things for him because I really feel sexy. I even went to Fred Meyers and got a pretty velvet green bra and matching panties. It was very weird because they had hardly any D cup bras! I've never had a problem finding a bra size before. I laughed when I saw the padded 34B's that I would never (thank God) have to wear again. I bought 34C's and they fit really well too. I think that I am going to be a 34C when all the swelling completely goes away. I love myself. I love my breasts. I seriously can't stop feeling them.
2-20-99 My other really good friend came over tonight and said, "Show me your boobs," and I just whipped up my shirt and showed her. (I was supposed to be wearing my sports bra for compression, but I was wearing my new Victoria's Secret bra). She thought they were huge. I don't think that they are THAT huge. Anyway, I'm glad that I didn't go with the bigger implant that I had thought about going with. They are perfect at the size I chose. The doctor really did help me with making that decision.
Every time I show my friends my breasts they have to poke them and then they say that they are hard. They are hard still but are getting softer every day. Sleeping is still uncomfortable. This past week I have been sleeping with a heating pad on my chest and it really makes me feel better. I haven't been taking pain pills for days. The next week has gone well, and I have returned to work. I can drive pretty well, although the first time kind of hurt to shift and turn corners. I am pretty much back to my normal life. I still can't lift really heavy things, and if I try to pull on things it still hurts.
Showers are fine, driving is okay, and I can pick up my son and put him in his crib. It really hurt when I had to do that last week. My muscles really pull hard. My breasts don't squish anymore and sleeping is pretty good. The doc wants me to sleep on my stomach, and I can, but I really don't like it yet. Sleeping on my side has been hard for a while too because when I turn on my side, the implants shift and pull on the muscles. Ouch. I have noticed also that with getting up after lying down for a while really hurts me too. Ouch.
Anyway, I love myself and my breasts. Now I have three friends that are seriously considering getting implants. It's funny how that works. Instead of sitting around complaining and making fun of our breasts, we will be sitting around showing each other our new, big ones and reminiscing on the old days of padded push-up bras and small, sagging breasts. I thank you for hearing my story and will keep you updated. I can't wait to get my AFTER pictures. I just want to show the world. I have a new independence and self-confidence that I have never had before, and I just love it.