"Member of the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee," Flat as a Board," and "Jealous of my Shoulder Blades because they Project more than my Chest." In spite of these cruel utterings, I managed to thrive in life and imbue a strong image of self-confidence. I am a martial artist and a marathon runner, thus, why in the world would I want boobs? I was just fine without having the interference of bouncing, flesh mounds that would only hinder my performance, give me back aches, and probably lead to sagging. Well, since I am posting my story on a breast augmentation (BA) web site, it is obvious that I was not able to convince myself that life without boobs was something I was completely happy about. After puberty, I sprung a nice full A cup--but have remained an A cup ever since.
I used humor as a coping mechanism. I probably even convinced some of the people closest to me that I was happy with my "size challenged boobs," but deep down I felt God had forgotten to make me look like a women, and that made me sad and a little mad, too. I know people are more than just the sum of their parts, but I felt like I was missing a really beautiful part. My whole family has boobs that are no smaller than a generous C cup. I thought for sure that I must have been adopted, right? No, it turns out that my great, great, grandmother was "boobie challenged," too (Thanks a lot gene pool). Thus, I thought about BA on and off for years after I turned 16 up until the day I did it at age 26. Just who am I? Well, I am currently in the second year of a five year doctoral clinical psychology program, have been married for three years, I have two great fat cats, I love to run, and I am a coffee feign.
The reasons for wanting to increase my boob size are not by any means unique. Many women share my feelings about the frustration of having little boobs, such as having little self-confidence in the chest area, wanting to fit nice in formal dresses and tops, and hiding myself in the sheets from my husband because I did not feel sexy. The pivotal moment when I knew that I was truly unhappy with my breasts, was the day I tried on a wedding dress and it fit perfectly! It did not need any alterations. However, there was one small problem, the dress was baggy in the bust area and the seamstresses suggested, with an adamant tone, that shoulder pads should be sewed in the front to make up for what my body could not provide. I am not talking about little shoulder pads either. That is right, they were the thick padded industrial kind for women who were not born with shoulders or for football players. I felt so not-beautiful at that moment. I do not consider myself an over-emotional person, I served in the military--I know how to keep a stolid bearing. However, it took all I had not to let the tears flow down my wedding dress.
I married an awesome man who loved me exactly the way I was. He confessed to be a "butt man" and never seemed to notice that I did not have a lot of breast tissue. Even though he was so supportive and oblivious to boobs, I felt so un-sexy in front of him. I talked with him about BA and we discussed the pros and cons. The bottom line was that he would support me with whatever decision I made because he wanted me to be happy. I decided to have the BA when I found a plastic surgeon who I trusted and respected, my spouse supported me 100%, and after I dialoged with many women who had already had the BA or were still in the process of deciding on Nicole's implant info website. I learned that all kinds of women get BAs, such as dancers, teachers, doctors, mothers, and nurses.
I looked in Nicole's FAQ section on capsular contracture (CC) and fortuitously, I found a surgeon in my area, Dr. Mladick, who uses the "No Touch" method which may help reduce the risk of CC. He has performed over 5,000 BAs! I sent an e-mail to his website inquiring about BA. I made a consultation appointment and I met him a month later. During my visit, he explained the procedure in detail, measured me, and we discussed potential size. I took a close and trusted friend, "Brianna" with me to the appointment because I wanted her opinion about the doctor and the clinic. My husband was unable to go to the consult because he was out of the country at the time, otherwise, he would have gone, too. I am so glad Brianna went with me because she has had surgery before so she knew questions to ask that I would not have known since I have never had any kind of surgery (i.e., my wisdom teeth were pulled with just a little numbing). I did not have a choice for over or under placement and silicone versus saline because Dr. Mladick only does under the muscle placement with saline.
The consult took about two hours in which the first half-hour consisted of me filling out forms and watching a short video about BA. The rest of the consult consisted of the BA procedure being explained and then my beasts were measured. After the consult, I made appointments for the pre-op and the surgery, which were about a month away. It was confirmed, I was going to get boobies! I had to test the waters, though. Thus, I went to Nicole's FAQ section and I found how to measure rice to equivocate the amount of ccs. I put the measured rice in panty hose and wore it in my bra for a least a month! No one seemed to notice that I was now a C from an A cup. I also wore baggy tops, so that helped conceal the grain boobs, too.
I have a circle of friends who I did not want them to know because some of them would tell other people and I did not want people coming to check out my new rack. My parents do not know yet because they live in another country and I did not want them worrying about the surgery. I will probably tell them later or I may see if they notice. I reserve the right to choose whom I confide in.
My Pre-op appointment was made a few weeks later after the initial consult. This time, both my husband and Brianna accompanied me. A plastic surgeon technician helped me try on different implants. I was currently a 34 A, so I bought some 34 C bras and tried on some a range of implant samples. Choosing the size was easy because I did not want huge boobs or barely there ones either, so I knew instantly when I found the right size. I picked a size that put me in the full C range because it looked right on my body (400cc). I also went with High Profile (HP) Mentor implants filled to 400cc because the rounds were too wide for me and would have been in my pits! I am 5'6, 115-118lbs, and have a 29" ribcage.
Two days before my surgery I did the last minute freak-out and went back to the clinic to try on sizes again. I was not sure if 400cc would be enough. I wanted to see about 420cc, which is only a few tablespoons, but I had to know. I tried on the 400cc again with a different bra and it was set--I was going with the 400cc. I know I drove my husband crazy with the size freak out, but he was good about repeating what the PS technician told me, "400cc should put you in the Full C range." Alas, I was finally set (for sure) this time.
The night before my surgery, I washed my chest with medical soap. I kept thinking that I must be crazy to have surgery. My body was fine the way it was. What if the new boobs make me look like a freak and I will not be able to run as well. I could die during the surgery. Are boobs worth dying for? I could make a down payment on a new car. What about a nice trip to Spain? That is right, all of these thoughts were going through my head when I was showering. I guess the surgery became more real at that time because I was physically getting ready for it. I decided that since I only live once, I want to live it with some boobs (Damn it).
I woke-up early the next morning and did the medical soap shower again--I think I was too tired to think about anything. My husband took me to the clinic and made sure I had two "friends" with me, a stuffed little hippo that looked like one of my fat cats and a little tiger, his Chinese birth sign. A nurse escorted me to the pre-op room and my husband said he loved me and would see me later.
I settled in the pre-op room, put the paper gown on (I kept on my pants and socks), and I climbed up on to a comfy bed. The nurse gave me a relaxer and I was feeling pretty good. It felt surreal as Dr. Mladick came in and drew the lines on me and I met the anesthesiologist. They were are so kind and I felt really calm (thank you drugs). I guess I went out because the next thing I remember was waking up in the same comfy bed and I was thinking that it must be time for the surgery. Well, then looked down at my chest and noticed the blanket had a hump--my new boobies wrapped in an ace bandage. The surgery was already over! I remember thinking "boobies" and I drifted back to sleep. I awoke again and the nurse helped me up where she took me to the recovery room. I plopped down in a nice "craft-o-matic" bed and I took a nap. I love that my plastic surgeon likes his patients to stay over one night in a recovery room because I felt secure knowing I was being taken care of by medical personnel who emptied the drains where the fluid drained from my breasts.
I slept through the night and the next morning a nurse dressed me and the doctor came in to see how I was doing and to take the drains out. He said I did a good job and "They look nice" referring to my new additions. When he took the drains out, it felt like a strong pinch. He told me to breathe in and then he pulled it out--the pain was worth all the fluid they collected. I had to stand which was almost impossible because I could not use my chest muscles to pull myself up. Dr. Mladick helped me stand up and I used the hippo the press against my chest, which felt better. The ride home was bumpy but not too bad.
I got home and fumbled to the couch where I spent the next two days. My surgery was on Friday and my next appointment was on Monday to get the ace bandage off. I was an official pill popper for two days. Saturday was not too bad because the meds from surgery were still lingering. My husband had to pull my cotton pants down so I could go to the bathroom and had to push me up where I was lying down on the couch because I could not get up very easily. He did the "1-2-3 Count" which was very helpful. I ate many crackers, we watched several movies, and I slept mostly on the couch. I slept in our guest bed during the night because I needed a change from the couch and my bed is too high. My husband did not want to roll over on me or accidentally whack me in the chest or take a pillow away in his sleep (he did that one time). Thus, he slept on the floor next to the bed so he could help me in the middle of the night.
I needed my pain medication every four hours and I needed to be re-propped up during the night because gravity would pull me down. I should point out that I do not like to depend on others for help, but I had to completely rely on my husband to help me. He washed my hair with my back to the bathtub, which made me feel better because it looked greasier than a Popeye's chicken wing. We had to be careful playing beauty salon because we could not get the bandage wet. I think we have bonded even deeper through this experience because he showed his love through taking care of me. Sunday was very similar to Saturday: I felt tight.
Monday was the worst for me because my chest felt even tighter. I felt like I was going to implode/explode and nothing seemed to help the pain. I put frozen pea bags on my chest and the pain meds were not working. It hurt to cry but I just had to, again. Tears and all, my husband helped me to the car because I had to make it to my appointment. Finally, when I made it to the clinic, the nurse took the ace bandage off. I saw my boobs for the first time. At least I could breathe now, but what in the world were those things on my chest? My boobs looked so high, tight, and lumpy at the top. It looked like I was bird-sitting two pelicans on my chest. You know, the profile of a pelican, with the humpy beak! I thought that as long as my boobs did not swoop out and snatch fish, I would be cool (I live near the beach, too). I knew to expect this "temporary freak show" from reading the posts from other women on "implant info" thus, I felt more at ease. I decided I was not going to cry over it because it felt so good to breathe! The nurse also showed me the massage, which hurt at first, and I have to do it as long as I have implants.
My next appointment to get the stitches out was in one week. I did not have any problems that week. I got the stitches out, which did not hurt at all. In addition, I was given the "strap" to wear until my next appointment in six weeks. The strap is a band that goes over the tops of the breasts to push them down. About day 4 and 5, I went out to dinner and to the movies. Brianna was gone for a few weeks, so she called and I gave her an update on the pelicans.
I am nine days post-op and I feel wonderful. I cannot run or go full force in marital arts for another two-weeks but I do light cardio (i.e., stair stepper). I feel tight in the morning but I can at least sleep on my side. My next appointment is in six weeks and I should drop a lot more by then. I have taken progression pictures to show how the pelicans have abandoned their perch. I am so happy that I went through with the BA. Brianna saw my new additions on 11 days pot-op. Well, I did not flash her, rather, I wore a fitted shirt. She thinks I look great and is thrilled I know longer wear grain in my bra. I fit nicely in a 34C right now and a 34D in a Victoria's Secret bra. The pelicans are finally settling down and are not noticeable in clothes.
I cannot say that getting the BA was a life changing experience, but rather, it is a life altering experience. I know, change and alter are so similar but I do not feel changed as a person. I feel that my perception about my body and life have been altered in a positive direction. I do not feel that I am not complete as a woman anymore. I am smart enough to know that beauty, including breasts, is fleeting, but the bond that has been created between my husband and I, and the support from my close and trusted friends has been priceless. Hence, maybe it is not the BA itself that has made me feel so amazing, but rather the whole positive experience of the BA process that has permeated thought my life and my relationships.
I am celebrating my third year anniversary today at 11 days pot-op, so I am off to dinner in a low cut shirt. I know my husband will be smiling, and more importantly, so am I.