The surgery nurse recommended that I get a mammogram or X-ray done to confirm that a problem existed so I made an appointment to see my local gp. My gp wasn't convinced that an X-ray would show anything and thought that a mammogram could make the situation worse if a leak was in fact present so after talking to the local radiologists, we decided that an ultrasound was probably the best bet. I wasn't entirely sure how an ultrasound would be able to detect anything either and I was quite concerned that the local radiologists would not have dealt with this particular problem before but I made an appointment for the next day and went along all the same.

By the next day, the deflation seemed somewhat worse and I was pretty convinced that my worst fears had come true. Lo and behold, the ultrasound proved conclusive and showed fluid outside the implant (confirming the leak) as well as streaks of body fluid within the implant itself (the body fluid seeps from outside the implant, through the point of rupture, and appears on the ultrasound as white streaks within the normally clear fluid of the implant).

I phoned the ps with the results and luckily (or so I felt), they were happy to book me in for replacements at short notice. The implants themselves would be replaced by the manufacturer without charge and the ps would perform the surgery minus his usual fee. As I no longer lived in the same city, I would be up for travel and accommodation but felt that the financial advantage of going back to the same surgeon outweighed the convenience of a local surgeon.

By the time I had my appointment with the ps (about 10 days after I first noticed something), my left breast appeared to contain the implant itself and nothing else. It had no volume at all and I was back to wearing baggy shirts and jackets to work. I felt extremely self conscious and terribly depressed. I was counting the days/hours before the replacements could be done but I was dreading going through the surgery and pain all over again.

I had to devise some reason for taking a few days off work and was feeling very unhappy and disillusioned with the whole situation. The breasts that had given me so much in the way of self esteem over the last four years were back to being the focus of feelings of inadequacy and lack of femininity. I had an appointment with the ps for the day before the scheduled surgery. At the appointment, we discussed the options and he recommended that I have the saline implants replaced with the new contoured gel implants that are now available. According to the ps, these implants are superior to the silicone implants previously available and their strength should reduce the chance of further ruptures in the future. Again, due to the fact that going elsewhere would cost me so much more money and would take so much longer, I didn't feel that I could do much more than accept his recommendation and hope for the best (my fear is that ruptures with the new gel implants are not less common - just harder to detect, but perhaps that's just my paranoia speaking). The gel implants would mean incisions under the breast (more scars!!) but my husband and I both agreed that this was not really an issue. Before I left for surgery, the ps took a photo of my withered breast and I left with visions of being in the disasters section of his portfolio. How depressing. (more - click forward arrow)