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Visitors' Stories -- Maxine's Story (page 6)DAY NINETEEN Monday 5 February Sick leave is over and I was back at work today and it was strange, although after two weeks of being stuck in at home I was rather pleased to be back to normal. In the evening I prepared a hot steaming bath and, being the squeamish coward that I am, removed the patches from the safety of underwater so as to minimise any soreness. (I don't think it really made any difference because I was very sore.) I was still very unhappy with the shape of my breasts. I was feeling very low. I did not have the courage to look at the scars at all - felt too queasy! Before going to bed I applied the Vitamin E oil (a friend recommended the oil as opposed to the cream) but I did not look at what I was doing and applied the oil by touch/feel. DAY TWENTY Tuesday 6 February I took my first good look at the scars and burst into tears - the right breast scar is awful. It is very dark and large and very much higher than my natural crease. What had I done? I was scared and very low. It was difficult to put a brave face on when dealing with friends and colleagues. I did not want them to know how I was feeling but it was difficult to share their enthusiasm. Paul was very supportive, telling me that I must remember what the surgeon had said and to be patient. DAYS TWENTY ONE TO TWENTY THREE Wednesday 7 February - Friday 9 February Over these three days I felt more and more unhappy. I was convinced I was one of the unlucky ones, butchered by their surgeon. I kept looking at the right scar and each time I did it upset me. Lots of tears and fears. Severe and frequent mood swings. I was a lot more used to wearing the bra and was no longer continually conscious of it. My breasts were still very sensitive in some places and quite numb in others. I kept looking at the photographs taken when the surgeon had drawn his incision marks on my breasts. I was convinced that he drew the line under the right breast too high and that is why my worst scar is so visible. DAY TWENTY FOUR Saturday 10 February I still kept looking at the scar and the photographs. I sobbed uncontrollably in Paul's arms. I couldn't stand it any more and rang the hospital to speak to the surgeon. He was busy in surgery but I was told that he would call me back. He did so and I went on to explain my worries and fears. The surgeon spoke very calmly and reminded me of the conversation we had on the day he removed my stitches, ie. being right handed, the right scar will take longer to heal. He encouraged me to remember that the operation was only a few weeks ago and to be patient. I felt better and tried to enjoy what was left of the weekend. DAYS TWENTY FIVE TO TWENTY NINE Sunday 11 February - Thursday 15 February I was noticeably calmer and happier about things although I noticed quite painful fibrous lines of skin had formed between my chest and my breast, a bit like the skin between your thumb and first finger when you spread your hands wide (try it and you'll see what I mean). If I lifted my arms too high they felt like they were pulling on my chest and breasts. My left breast was feeling softer and more natural, the sensitivity had eased quite considerably but the numbness was still there. My right breast was still both sensitive and numb and felt larger and harder than my left breast. Quite uncanny really when, prior to the operation, I had mentioned that my right breast was, to me, much smaller than my left breast. I had even asked if a slightly bigger implant could be used to ensure even sizing. The surgeon had told me that the difference in size, although very noticeable to me, was not enough to warrant a different size implant. He was right! DAY THIRTY SIX Thursday 22 February I was feeling much better. The fibrous skin seemed to have become less apparent and less painful. Both my new breasts were starting to feel normal and a lot more comfortable although there was still numbness and increased sensitivity. One way of knowing how much better things were was the fact that I sometimes even forgot that I had these new breasts - I was no longer continually aware of them.
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