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Male Visitors' Stories -- Kathleen's Husband
"What the PS didn't tell me about my wife's recovery
from breast augmentation (and rhinoplasty) . . . for the significant others." by
Kathleen's Husband.
1. That you better own 15,000 pillows and be ready to go out
to Linens 'n Things and buy at least 20 more.
2. That it was your wife, not you, that got to take the Valium.
3. To practice eating following nose surgery, try holding your nose and eating soup
at the same time.
4. That it was you who would have to put in the anti-nausea suppository.
5. That your wife, as a rule, would always ask you for the suppository and to be
taken to the bathroom at the same time.
6. That the floor would be a perfectly comfortable place to sleep for at least a
year while your wife was trying to get comfortable.
7. That the post-op bra would be so lovely and sexy.
8. That as soon as you got to sleep, the alarm would go off and you would have to
give your wife a Percocet and food (unless, of course, you preferred giving her the
suppository).
9. That it would be a perfect opportunity to see how well your favorite boxer
shorts fit your wife.
10. That if the alarm didn't go off after you went to sleep, the baby monitor
surely would.
11. That having a very affectionate Siamese cat might not be such a good idea.
12. Sleep? Did I mention sleep? Forget about it for the foreseeable future.
13. Same for sex.
14. That for some reason, your wife would bump into things Dolly Parton would miss
with her eyes shut.
15. That as soon as your wife got comfortable, she would either be (a) too hot (b)
too cold (c) need another pillow.
16. That the "twins" were (a) too big (b) too small (c) too high (4) too
low.
17. That the nipples were either too sensitive or not there any longer (where did
those things go???).
18. That a new clothes budget of approximately the gross domestic product of a
third world country was perfectly sane and appropriate (with shoes to match, of course!).
And that despite all of the above, things do get better
quickly! Too quickly once you hit Item #18.....
  
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